


i'm chasing fire when i'm running after you

by ningningbin



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, M/M, Self-Indulgent, because sunsun piggyback jfc, inspired by i'll give you the sun, oblivious park sunghoon, the enha members are mentioned! but this is vvv sunsun-centric :[, the plot of a cheesy netflix coming of age movie probably, they're both big dumbs ugh, this is literally just tooth rotting fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27927028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ningningbin/pseuds/ningningbin
Summary: So it takes Park Sunghoon a little more than a decade to realize that he's been in love all along—that's fine, he can deal with combusting into flames every time his crush so much as looks at him across the room.See, the problem only arises when he realizes that it's his best friend of twelve years who he's in love with.or,five time park sunghoon gives kim sunoo a piggyback ride and complains incessantly about it and the one time he doesn't, because he'd do anything to stay this close to the boy forever.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo & Park Sunghoon, Kim Sunoo/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 45
Kudos: 228





	i'm chasing fire when i'm running after you

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from lauv-chasing fire! 
> 
> so this is a very very very old wip from iland era that i abandoned then modified a little cause i thought it would fit well with the piggy back sunsun moment WTF THAT CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE. so i can say 60% of the stuff i wrote here, is probably bad :D it's unbeta-ed, and it's from months ago. and i wrote it with no intention of posting it so please don't expect the quality to be on par with the other fics i have that i doctor and fix a lot >.< nonetheless!!! every fic of mine is my babie and i hope that you guys enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!!
> 
> how is this inspired by i'll give you the sun, you ask? beyond the neighbors stargazing together aspect not much HAHAH but i basically started this fic as an excuse to write that scene
> 
> the siblings they have in this fic are, ofc, entirely fictional, so yeah i messed with their ages a lil bit!

**1 + 0 = 1**

Sunghoon's only six when the universe throws him the first reason to hate Kim Sunoo.

He's always been the favorite, with his only sister being three years older, and it's becoming especially evident now, when she's outgrown matching clothes and spending time with her baby brother. Well, their parents don't play favorites, but they do dote more on Sunghoon because he _allows_ them to. And she's never been the type to stick close to home, so on the weekends when she's got plans with her rowdy group of friends that Sunghoon actively hides from in his room, he gets to enjoy outings with his parents where he'd get his own ice cream cones and three-dollar rides on the large animatronics in the park.

Until the Kims move in next door, and every time he parts the curtains in his room he'd have to deal with being able to see into Sunoo's brightly decorated walls, and more often than not, his smiling face pressed against the glass, hands waving excitedly at his ' _Sunghoon-hyung'._

Sunoo takes a liking to Sunghoon immediately but the same can't be said for the latter.

You have to understand; he's been the center of attention for years, hoarding all the love and affection to himself just like he takes almost every gift under the Christmas tree and his family just lets him. And now that Sunoo's here, he's suddenly being taught how to share. He's not incapable of it, but at six years old he couldn't comprehend why he had to. Sunoo had his own parents, his own family, his own friends... he really didn't understand why the Kims had to bring their son over for playdates so frequently. 

It's frustrating to say the least, to have two grubby hands clinging to his sweater sleeves, tugging constantly. The tugging, he hates the most.

Sunoo does it when he's trying to catch Sunghoon's attention, pointing to this and that to show the older boy everything that had piqued his interest. Their parents became fast friends and suddenly, the line between the two families was starting to blur, and even Sunghoon's sister who had strayed far from him began cooing at Sunoo's full cheeks and rosy lips as well.

" _You're older than Sunoo, so you have to take care of him, alright?"_

That's the very last thing six-year-old Sunghoon wanted to do. At every chance that arrives at his doorstep, Sunghoon leaves home to hang out with his own friends from school and while he didn't particularly enjoy playgrounds cause the sand always gets into his shoes, he figures it's better than playing pretend, _house_ and dolls with the clingy little kid next door.

A whole wrench is thrown into his perfect plan to escape Sunoo one evening, when he lied to his parents that he was going to go over to Jay's to play soccer in his backyard. They said okay, and that was it, so Sunghoon raced down the road and instead of turning left at the fork, he turned right, heading to the dreary, desolate playground no one used anymore because it was deemed too dangerous. They should've uprooted it a long time ago, considering the neighborhood had already pitched in to erect the new one, but they didn't, and Sunghoon has seen many of the older kids from high school hanging out here. Fortunately for him, it was empty that day, and he could lean against the rusty metal bars of the swing set to take a short rest.

But suddenly he was waking up from a nap he hadn't even planned on taking and the thick, gray clumps of clouds were collecting overhead to give him just the briefest of warnings before fat droplets of rain started to fall.

He didn't want to return just yet and was considering his options, thinking if he could stay out here and seek shelter under the slide just a bit longer, but Sunoo, that little brat, appeared out of nowhere and was tug-tug-tugging on his sweater sleeve again.

"Sunghoon hyung," he was whining, eyes brimming with tears like they were reflecting the mood in the sky. "Your parents are worried... Everyone's looking for you—"

All he felt was annoyance creeping under his skin, simmering like water coming to a boil. He reached his breaking point, and it was just bad luck that Sunoo himself was right there to see it. Sunghoon had let himself break down at that point, releasing all his pent-up resentment in one go, though what with the rain growing heavier by the minute, it was hard if the water going into his mouth was actually his own tears. He shook off Sunoo's grip and had yelled, "Go away! I hate you so much!"

He remembers the hurt that showed on Sunoo's face, raw and undisguised because he was still too young to know how to hide his feelings.

Sunghoon chose to run away then, but he recalled wondering if he should stay. Somehow over the months, there was an instinct ingrained into a small part in him that told him to protect Sunoo no matter what. Hadn't he done that before? When the scary dog jumped the fence and chased after Sunoo, Sunghoon had been there to pull the boy away and urged him to run faster. When he'd heard that Sunoo was getting picked on by kids in his class for being the new student, he'd sat with the younger boy at lunch to make sure no one would mess with him again.

So _why—_ why did Sunoo have to steal all the good things away from him?

As luck would have it (and given how stupidly stubborn Sunoo was and _still is_ ), the younger boy chased after him, determined, but he had sandals on and he tripped over a large rock and stubbed his toe on its jagged surface. His cries carried through the sound of the rain hitting concrete, mud, and gravel without mercy. They were both soaked through at his point, and it wasn't even an option for Sunghoon to leave him there. The panic flared up in him and his legs took him back to where Sunoo was as fast as they could work.

He looked so _small,_ curled in on himself when Sunghoon arrived.

Sunghoon neared the shivering boy and wrapped his arms around Sunoo to preserve some warmth. There wasn't much to go around in the first place, seeing as both their clothes were already weighing twice as much after absorbing all the water, but if he could, he would give it all to Sunoo. "C'mere," he whispered to the boy, loud enough that Sunoo could hear. The latter only gave him a weak nod in response, and that was when Sunghoon realized that Sunoo could very well be close to passing out—the boy had always been rather physically weak and very easily exhausted. If he passed out right now, in Sunghoon's arms, all because the older boy refused to be mature and ran away to prove something to his family, he was never going to forgive himself.

He would make a break for it right now, before the situation worsened, but Sunoo was hurt. He might even be bleeding a little, but the rain was running over them so quickly that any evidence of wounds would wash away in seconds. _How did the rain even get so heavy in such a short time?_ Sunghoon shielded Sunoo with his body while he urgently worked out a solution. Right now, it seemed like the only feasible option was to hoist the boy onto his back and dash home as fast as he could. It would mean exposing Sunoo's back to unrelenting icy sheets of rain, but he solved it by removing his own pullover and wrapping it around the younger boy's shoulders. This was going to have to work.

That day, he carried Sunoo on his back for the first time. It wasn't a good memory for sure, but Sunghoon's never going to forget how it felt to have Sunoo's shaky breaths hitting his nape, his chest pressing into Sunghoon's shoulders in tandem with his shallow breathing pattern. Sunghoon had never been that scared to lose someone, _ever._

It's been twelve years since the event transpired, and Sunghoon still can't discern what parts of the memory were made up purely from the fear that held reign at that moment, or what had _actually_ happened. All he knows is that when Sunoo woke up the next morning, Sunghoon's knees were sore from kneeling by his bed all night. His parents attempted to pry him off of the younger boy to take him back, but he'd refused to budge. So _they_ had to spend the night in the Kim's living room as well. He kept a hand pressed to Sunoo's heart to make sure it was beating, taking him safely through the night, and he fell asleep like that.

When Sunoo's eyes fluttered open, Sunghoon was still sleeping.

He'd never been so relieved to feel Sunoo's small hand gingerly tug-tug-tugging on his sleeve when he woke up to the softest, " _Sunghoon-hyung?"_

**1 + 1 = 2**

Sunoo forgives him so quickly for the incident it feels like, in his universe, it never happened at all.

But the image of Sunoo hugging himself, shivering in the rain, is etched so vividly in his brain that since then, he's done everything he possibly can to guard Sunoo from harm. To say he became the protective older brother Sunoo never had is an understatement—somehow, their bond ran deeper and stronger than that. It was beyond just caring for someone on the other end of the line just because they were born into your responsibility. No, for Sunghoon, the role might've been forced onto him in the start, but then he really started working towards becoming the shelter Sunoo needed.

He knows it annoys Sunoo—oh _how the tables have turned—_ but he can't help feeling a need to fend off everyone trying to near and befriend the boy. Who knows what their intentions are with Sunoo?

Sunoo's his own person and he can definitely stand up for himself, but if Sunghoon has the ability to do the same, he doesn't have a reason _not_ to. So he sticks to Sunoo like a guard dog, which the other people in their circle find funny because Sunghoon acts indifferent to everything. He's constantly giving the iciest reactions to Sunoo's aegyo when the younger boy is trying to weasel his way into getting something he desperately wants; he barely speaks when it's just the two of them in the same room; and never once does he mention Sunoo as his best friend. If anything, it's Jake who's currently occupying the spot. It's a pretty funny story, because when Jake first transferred to their school two years ago, something just... clicked between them. There wasn't an awkward period where Sunghoon struggled to open up to his new friend or anything like that.

It was strange for him, too.

But as soon as Jake had waltzed into their lives, everyone fell for him hard. It's difficult to resist the boy's charms when he resembles his own Retriever, Layla, in every way possible—his sunny disposition, how his mouth's always slightly parted when he's dozing off or thinking, or even the eccentric way in which he dresses. Suddenly, there was this new important person in his life and Sunoo didn't like that initially.

He thought he was being replaced.

So one night, when spring was ending and paving way for the summer, Sunghoon found himself staring straight into Sunoo's room. Well really, he had practically been held at gunpoint to pay attention to Sunoo's little light show because the younger boy pulled out the very much effective trembling pout paired with sad puppy eyes and all of Sunghoon's resolution caved in like a hurricane crashed into his walls.

"Just you wait, hyung," the younger boy had giggled, glee so alight in his eyes that even when Sunoo switched off the lights in his room, Sunghoon felt like there was still something glowing there. They had a pact, a rule of sorts, that in the spring and summer, they had to keep their windows open at night till they both said goodnight to each other. Some nights, Sunoo dozed off only to wake up all apologetic, and others, he wouldn't stop babbling away about his day and Sunghoon would just let him. Because truthfully, Sunoo's voice had— _has_ —a calming effect on his nerves. The younger boy always gets sulky about it, thinking that he must bore Sunghoon to death, but really if it weren't for him, Sunghoon would be finding it difficult to even let his eyes flutter shut at night. When Sunoo talks to him to sleep... there's a constant reassurance that he won't be gone when he wakes, and he still needs it now.

_That_ particular night, though, he'd been wishing for it the whole day, and when Sunoo's light, airy voice _finally_ floated into his room, he bolted for the window right away.

Sunoo couldn't hold back his excitement when he was talking about receiving the package he ordered. It was his first time doing some shopping online, and while it was mostly for his friend's birthday present, he decided to throw in a little something for himself as well.

When he finished setting it up, Sunghoon found it pretty. The blanket of darkness that had settled over everything in Sunoo's room earlier was now punctured with start-shaped holes that glowed with colors alternating between orange, silver and blue. There were _so_ many of them spattered across his sloping ceiling and spilling over his desk and bed like the sky had emptied itself in hopes of keeping Sunoo's smile safe. Sunoo spun around, nearly tripped over his own giddiness and had to steady himself with a hand on his chair, then shouted " _ta-dah!"_ loud enough that Sunghoon could hear. He ambled closer to the window and positioned himself on the wide ledge so he could swing his legs over.

The younger boy had looked like a star himself. Every inch of him had been perforated to look like a walking galaxy and the pure elation on Sunoo's face made Sunghoon's head spin with contagious, reeling, inexplicable joy as well. There's just something about Sunoo's smile that makes you wonder if its shine could really reach for miles beyond what's known as earth.

He can't believe he ever hated the idea of getting a younger sibling—watching Sunoo grow up brought him more satisfaction and happiness than hogging his parents' attention ever could.

Sunoo caught the movement mid-spin and mirrored Sunghoon's pose. This used to freak Sunoo out when he was eight—Sunghoon had been nine, and it was the first time he was brave enough to try letting his legs dangle over the edge just a little bit. He didn't mean to inspire Sunoo to do the same, but the younger boy wanted to copy everything Sunghoon did—including ice skating, which Sunghoon had started going to classes on the weekends for—and with seven feet between their windows, he couldn't just reach out and stop Sunoo from trying. Thankfully, there were no accidents or slip-ups, and Sunghoon had to hurry over to the Kim's under the pretense of helping Sunoo with his homework to guide the boy off of the ledge carefully.

"Isn't it pretty?" the younger boy had yelled over to Sunghoon.

"But what's it got to do with me?" Sunghoon teased, fishing for a reaction out of Sunoo. 

"I wanted you to see the stars with me, not Jake hyung," the boy admitted. It was softer than before and the reply was delayed, almost like he had been agonizing over whether he should voice it out. But the wind carried the words over to Sunghoon's ears all the same.

He frowned.

"What are you talking about, Sunoo-ah?"

Sunoo's brows furrowed and he threw his head back to steal a glance of the makeshift starry night in his room. "You've been doing everything with Jake hyung lately... But I know you don't like stargazing and that you'd never ask him to stargaze with you, so I thought I'd make you sit through this with _me_."

He knew that it was supposed to be a serious confession, but Sunghoon couldn't help the tickle he felt in his chest that pried a smile out of him. He arched an eyebrow. "You know I don't like stargazing so you're making me stargaze with you? Where's the logic in that, huh?"

"That's not the point!" Sunoo had protested, wildly waving his arms around to illustrate his point. "The point is, I wanted to do something with you that you won't be doing with _Jake_ hyung."

"Cause you're jealous?"

"He stole my best friend, I _should_ be jealous!"

There was suddenly silence enveloping both of them in an airtight bubble like someone had hit pause on their conversation. Sunghoon unconsciously started holding his breath as he let the information sink in slowly. He prodded at the invisible shield until it popped and he broke the silence first. Feeling sorry that he'd unintentionally made Sunoo feel neglected, he said, "You were my best friend first before anyone else came along, Sunoo-ah. There's no competition at all. Besides, we're more than best friends."

Another pause, and this time it was pregnant with an unwelcome rush of emotions Sunghoon was quick to store away.

"More than... best friends?" Sunoo cautiously put out there.

"Sure!" Sunghoon replied, a beat too late with the conviction falling off the words like a leaf caught in the wind. "Right. We're each other's _first_ best friends. That's always special," he explained awkwardly.

Right then, Sunoo had already had his back turned onto Sunghoon so he could lean back and get a better view of the stars swaying hypnotically overhead, absorbed in his little own Milky Way.

"Yeah, I guess that's what I was trying to say. That I wanted to have this memory with you first."

"Look, um, Sunoo..."

He remembers how his lips went dry, just like how the words perched on the tip of his tongue had dried up instantaneously. So like the coward he was, he averted the topic and said instead, "Hey you remember that old playground?"

"The one I almost died at?"

"C'mon, don't be so dramatic I would never have let you," he replied, but he swallowed thickly past the lump lodged deep in his throat because he knew that it was a close call. With how the color had bled out of Sunoo's skin, he really was afraid. He heard Sunoo chuckle softly to himself. "They bulldozed it and everything but it's pretty cool. I've been there at night before."

"Doing what? Kissing girls?" Sunoo accused him, shooting up straight in his bed. He rested his elbows on the ledge, his cheeks on his folded arms.

If Sunghoon could draw, or paint, or possessed even the smallest drop resembling artistic talent, he would capture this exact moment on the canvas. The boy he didn't know what to call, bathing in silver moonlight like the damn satellite only showed itself to be Sunoo's very own personal spotlight. Was Sunoo his best friend? Someone he could call his brother? Neither of those seemed to fit the bill.

"I take walks at night sometimes," he shrugged off impassively.

"Right, so..."

"Wanna come with me? I'll take you there to see some real stars."

Sunoo's eyes lit up, so quickly it was comical. The anticipation rolled off of him in waves that wrapped around Sunghoon like a warm hug. "Really?"

"Yeah, we could go now, if you want to."

That was how they stumbled out from their back doors inappropriately dressed for the weather. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't _not_ cold either. Chilly. Somewhere between both the extremes of the spectrum. Like them. Sunghoon came prepared with an old washed-out denim jacket just in case, but if Sunoo _was_ cold, it didn't show. They stood on the lawn, staring at each other for a serene moment where they left the talking to crickets and insects before Sunghoon jerked his head, motioning for Sunoo to follow.

They walked for only a few blocks before Sunoo timidly called out his name.

"Sunghoon-hyung."

He stopped in his tracks and turned back, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Yeah?"

"Could you... Do you think you can give me a piggyback there?"

"Why?"

Sunoo's eyes were trained on his. "Well, you always say that you feel sorry about that day. So. For old time's sake, do you think you could? Unless you're too old now," he baited Sunghoon, sticking the tip of his tongue out.

Well Sunghoon really didn't need a reason—he knew his answer was yes as soon as Sunoo said "Could you", because there really wasn't much in this world that he wouldn't do for Kim Sunoo. So he lowered himself to the ground, grumbling unintelligibly all the while, and tried to recovered quickly when the full weight of Sunoo pressing into his back made him stumble. There was lots of laughing, goofing around, but he didn't recall much from that particular night besides how fitting it felt to have Sunoo's breaths hitting the back of his neck, again. And this time, they weren't rushing. They weren't racing against time. It was just them, and that was enough.

Even _now,_ Sunghoon still can't quite manage to summon the full memory of their conversation under the stars and he almost feels guilty for letting slip such an important moment from his mind.

What he _does_ know, is that it went something like this:

_"You know, I don't know why you like stargazing so much."_

_"I_ love _stargazing."_

_"I know, that's the sixth time you've mentioned it now."_

_"But you know what, I'll have to admit that I don't know much about stars in general, just that the Sun is one, too. And that they twinkle."_

_"To be honest? I don't, either."_

_"I think that when you love something, it doesn't matter how much you know about it. It's how much and how far you're willing to go to learn more and understand it on a deeper level every day. It's effort."_

_Sunghoon had hummed in assent, "It's like that quote, isn't it? I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow..."_

Everything after that blended into a blur. All Sunghoon is absolutely sure of, is that after that night, he realizes that he might not hate stargazing as much as he liked to claim he did. After all, the Sun is also a star, and Sunoo is the Sun personified.

And he couldn't hate Sunoo even if he tried.

**2 + 1 = 3**

The _third_ time he gave the younger boy a piggyback, it was a year after the second time and it wasn't anything special or memorable. Sunoo had just turned fifteen and Sunghoon was _waiting_ to turn sixteen. He'd meant to get Sunoo a gift, but he was so busy that he couldn't even stop by the local mall to grab a present for the boy. Though, after seeing just how crestfallen Sunoo looked at his small birthday gathering, Sunghoon figured that getting the boy a red velvet cupcake from his favorite bakery would've been better than showing up with nothing in his hands.

Their friends all jeered at Sunghoon and gave him light jabs and punches on his biceps for making Sunoo upset, but the latter perked up right away upon being surprised with his huge, two-tier cake that Niki's mother baked herself.

After they've all devoured at least a slice each, they wandered to different corners of the room to try out the many activities Sunoo's parents had laid out for the group but Sunghoon refused to budge, choosing to stay by his side.

"Hah!" Sunoo exclaimed, some evidence of their frosting battle still evident on his face. The whipped cream was smeared across his forehead and swirled into two round circles on his cheeks. "You're always saying I follow you around but I think it's clear today who's obsessed with who."

"But this doesn't count!" Sunghoon refuted, begrudgingly fetching the boy a small stack of napkins from the nearby pile so he could wipe off all the frosting. "I'm only here cause I feel bad."

"What, about not getting your _first best friend_ a gift?"

He'd nudged Sunoo roughly with his shoulder and scowled. "Stop putting it like that it makes me feel even guiltier. Look, I didn't get you anything cause I didn't want to half-ass the effort, alright? Look at Jay! He got you _three_ _Hot Topic_ tees of bands you don't even like..."

"It's the thought that counts," the younger boy countered on behalf of Jay, looking rather amused as he folded the dirty napkin and chucked it into the bin with frightening accuracy. Sunghoon heard that Sunoo had been practicing lately in hopes of being able to break into the high school team. He was tall enough, for sure. Not as tall as Sunghoon was at sixteen, but he was clearly set on the road to overtake his Sunghoon-hyung's height at the rate he was going. He'd already invited Sunghoon to the annual tryouts and of course, the older boy had accepted without delay, certain that he'd make it rain or shine. It was just that... he had zero idea that the sport was Sunoo's thing. He'd always grumbled and denounced _P.E_ classes, questioning the objective behind them, so naturally, Sunghoon had assumed he'd join any extracurricular activity but basketball of all things.

"What thought?" he continued to gripe.

A pillow landed near his feet, followed by the sound of Jay shouting, "I heard that, Park Shithead!"

Sunghoon rolled his eyes while he waited for Sunoo to stop entertaining Jay's jokes and stale puns before nudging him again, this time more gently. "Sunoo-ah, you know that hyung didn't mean to show up empty-handed, right? I've been waiting for you to drop hints about what you want for _months_ now but you didn't mention anything at all, so... What with my exams going on and all, I need more time to brainstorm."

Ever since the stargazing incident happened, the dynamic between the two of them had shifted rather drastically. Or at least, that's how he remembers it happening.

They just became more openly honest with each other, especially about their feelings. There was less tolerating and more 'talking their problems out'. After all, they were still teenagers, and a few immature arguments were more than expected, but Sunghoon was glad they evolved from pretending no fight ever took place to sitting down and explaining their own sides of the story. They became closer, if that was even possible. They found themselves in each other's company more often and the silence, if there was any, no longer needed to be filled with the raucous din of their other friends. It just became... comfortable. The brush of their pinky fingers on stone benches outside school, the knowing glances they exchanged when a stupid joke had been made. Sunghoon wasn't just protecting Sunoo because he owed it to the boy's kindness anymore. He protected Sunoo because the younger boy, in his own way, actively shielded Sunghoon in kind, too.

"It's okay, hyung. You know I'm just teasing."

"But still—tell me. What you want for your birthday."

"Forget it," Sunoo was quick to tell him, "there's always next year. And the year after that. And the year after the year after that... I'm happy enough that you're here, hyung, truly. You should be looking after yourself better."

Sunghoon nervously started picking at a piece of tissue, gripping the smaller scraps in a tight fist. "What do you mean?"

Maybe his memory's flawed or whatever, but Sunghoon _swears_ the time slowed down when Sunoo firmly planted himself in front of him, leaving barely an inch between them. The space constricted and the walls fell in over them, trapping them inside like they were stranded alone in a broken elevator. Sunghoon was noticing all these things but Sunoo carried on like the roof wasn't just about to collapse on the two of them. He pointed at Sunghoon's eyes, then moved in to thumb the creases under them, his touch feather-soft. "Sorry, I've just always wanted to do that."

_Do what?_

Then the younger boy reestablished the space between them and the moment was over. So quickly that Sunghoon had thought it was all just a hallucination. "Anyone can tell you're overworking yourself, hyung. Your competition's coming up and you have to train in between studying day and night. We don't even say goodnight anymore. You need to take care of those eyebags before they become a permanent installment on your pretty face."

" _You_ stopped saying goodnight to me. I leave the windows open every day even if I wake up with ten mosquito bites on my legs, okay?" he mumbled, a hand moving up his cheeks self-consciously.

"I didn't want to bother you—you're stressed enough as is."

"But it's harder for me to fall asleep when you _don't_ say goodnight."

Sunoo opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it quickly, reaching for a chocolate muffin instead and tearing off small pieces to chew on. "Anyway, hyung, I just wish you'd look after yourself more."

"I'd feel better if you'd drop me a hint on what I should get you for your birthday," he tried hopefully. And while Sunoo rolled his eyes and exhaled heavily like he was exasperated, he'd gotten his answer anyway.

"Fine. You know how you always promise to take me to the ice rink but you never do? You better keep your promise this time, Park Sunghoon, or no more goodnights for the rest of your life."

"Sure," he promised easily.

"Okay."

"Okay," he echoed, a smile creeping back onto his lips. "It'd be funny to see you fall and struggle to get up anyway."

"If I end up being too sore from all the falling I expect a piggyback ride home, by the way. You owe it to me for not getting me a gift anyway."

"You said that you don't care!"

Sunoo leaned against the counter and Sunghoon followed suit, sticking so closely together that their arms and shoulder line up. Their breathing fell into place like clockwork, and Sunghoon couldn't help but feel like this is where he should be all along. "But you _offered_."

The older boy flashed him a cheeky smile— _god, he was very generous with his smiles that day—_ and elbowed him lightly in jest. "Fine. You want a piggyback now, too?"

"And if you fall?"

"So what if I do?"

They both wore matching grins spanning ear to ear as Sunghoon let Sunoo hop onto his back again. And just like every time before, Sunghoon stabled the both of them easily enough and wondered why they didn't do this more frequently. He let out a grunt, though, to feign his struggle so he could see Sunoo's flustered blush and hear him fretting after Sunghoon like a mother hen. As Sunoo's chest expanded against his back to accommodate all the air he was taking in, Sunghoon was certain he'd inhaled the older boy's share of oxygen as well. He'd carried Sunoo before, but never had he felt this breathless, as if all the air had been knocked out his lungs. Was it just Sunoo who'd gotten taller, heavier, and older, or had something else changed?

All Sunghoon remembers thinking is that he could get used to having Sunoo draped over his back like a safety blanket.

**3 + 1 = 4**

Sunghoon didn't have to wait for long before the next opportunity came, but this one wasn't a memory he should be celebrating in the first place.

A month and a half after Sunoo's birthday party, Sunghoon finally cleared up his schedule and earned himself a well-deserved break. He'd just claimed the silver medal in his division and all their friends gathered for a small get-together to congratulate him, and it was there that Sunoo shyly reminded him about the promise. So, here they were, just the two of them, with Sunghoon nearly laughing his ass off at the sight of Sunoo clutching the side-bars with a death grip, unwilling to let go.

"Sunoo, just let go! I'm not going to let you fall," he'd tried reassuring the boy for the nth time that day. They haven't even been on the ice for long, but sweat was already beading and collecting on Sunoo's hairline despite the lower temperature here. The older boy had lent Sunoo a spare pair of his skates so he didn't have to use the free ones that dug into your feet painfully after a while.

"That's what you say, but you keep laughing like there's no tomorrow," the younger boy grumbled under his breath haltingly, pausing between every other word to emit a dolphin-like shriek.

"I can't help that you look this cute trying to hang on for dear life. You're like those cats in the save a kitten posters."

"Yeah, yeah, take a picture and print it out on a shirt why don't you."

Without thinking much of it, Sunghoon's left hand shot out on reflex to wrap around Sunoo's waist securely when he felt the boy flailing backwards like he was going to fall again. He released the boy immediately after, but Sunoo whined in opposition, "Hyung, can you keep holding onto me? I seriously feel like my legs are about to give out." Just like that, his hand was back on the curve of Sunoo's waist. They were close, but physical contact like this wasn't something familiar to them. Sure, Sunoo had a habit of burrowing his head into the necks of the people next to him every now and then, or falling into someone for support when he was hysterical with laughter, but not like this. Never like this. Maybe Sunghoon was making this out to be much weirder than it needed to be. Maybe he wanted it to mean something more.

Whatever it was that made the pink bloom furiously on his cheeks, Sunghoon chucked out of his mind.

"I don't know how you spin on the damn ice when it's hard enough to walk on this damn thing."

"You're not supposed to try and walk," Sunghoon tried to say, his words slurring as he attempted to correct Sunoo's posture with his free hand. "It's supposed to feel like gliding."

"Well, do I _look_ like I'm gliding now?" the younger boy cried out in exasperation, leaning heavily into Sunghoon's hand.

"It's only cause you aren't used to it yet. Once you adapt to the feel of the skates, it comes as naturally as walking does. It's _easier_ than walking. You don't have to worry about tripping over rocks and shit."

Sunoo motioned for Sunghoon to stop and he obeyed, paying heed to the boy's command. "You've never seen a person trip on ice before?"

"Do you trip when you're walking on smooth concrete?"

"Yes I do. And I'll prove to you that clumsy people can trip over air on ice, too,"

"I won't let you fall, Sunoo-ah, just trust hyung, okay?"

Sunghoon shouldn't have asked Sunoo to trust him. Years of spinning and spinning on ice had made him underestimate how much fear and uncertainty can plant that huge sense of distrust between someone and the rink. The key, was quite literally, to establish mutual trust. That's the secret to not falling. Quite clearly, Sunoo hadn't accessed the ultimate secret yet, because he kept tumbling over and nearly landing on his knees—a few times Sunghoon had to pull him back so that they could both fall on their asses instead. By the end of their lesson, Sunoo was sore all over and he'd installed himself firmly on the ice, refusing to stand. He was hugging his knees to his chest and he pouted up at Sunghoon. 

"This isn't fun at all. I don't understand how you skate twenty hours a week."

"Practice," he shrugged.

" _Ugh,"_ the younger boy groaned in dismay, "I should've asked for a better birthday present. I didn't know I was signing up for torture."

"Who says this is your only present, huh? Did you think I'd take you to the rink and call it a day?"

Sunoo's eyes lit up right away at the prospect of receiving an actual gift. The change was so endearing that it pulled on Sunghoon's heartstrings. He extended his arms towards Sunoo and gently clasped the boy's hands, slowly guiding him up at the pace he let Sunoo set himself. He knew how much it hurt to land on the wrong spot after messing up a jump, and he didn't want to rush Sunoo if he wasn't ready to be back up on his feet. "You got me something else?" he asked, his voice lilting with puppy-like excitement.

He nodded, refusing to let slip any other information. He wanted to keep the curiosity mounting because Sunoo was never one who could be patient with things like this and it was funny to watch him squirm.

"What is it? Gimme!"

Sunghoon started to lead them to the exit, slowly and carefully because he caught Sunoo wincing. He cast a look over his shoulder, "It's at home, I didn't bring it out."

"Yeah, but what _is it?"_

"Come over and I'll show it to you," he answered easily.

Even as Sunoo continued to whine and wail in complaint, Sunghoon sat him down on a bench in the waiting area and bent down to remove Sunoo's skates. When he saw the worn-ou Neon Cat socks on the younger boy's feet—a gift from him almost _five years ago—_ it'd rendered him speechless. He looked up at Sunoo, who'd gone quiet upon registering the expression on Sunghoon's face. "You still wear these?"

It was the blush of a field of roses that blossomed on Sunoo's cheeks like they'd skipped through the rest of summer, autumn and winter so spring could arrive early. They spread across the expanse of Sunoo's lightly freckled skin and brought out all the details Sunghoon never noticed before like night taking over to put the stars on display. He'd seen the mole on Sunoo's cheeks before, but not the tiny one right underneath his eye, or the ones arranged in a neat line on his jaw. Sunghoon forced himself to look away before Sunoo could notice something was off.

And something _was_ off. He'd never looked at Sunoo this way before, and now that he has, _he can't stop_.

"Of course. They're really comfy."

He gulped and bit down on the tip of his tongue, his Adam's apple probably bobbing up and down furiously like a ball in a pond. "Come on, my mom should be here soon. We should hurry up."

"I can't walk like this," Sunoo complained petulantly. He put on his wicked, conniving grin that Sunghoon loved to see so much and said, "Piggyback me there?"

"In the middle of a mall?" he'd deadpanned.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," the younger boy added softly, swinging his legs before he stood up.

"No, I want to."

"Are you sure? Cause—"

"Yeah," he cut in with an affirmative nod.

That's how he ended up carrying Sunoo through the mall and into the basement parking where his mom was waiting. Even if she'd thrown him a questioning glance with her knowing smile, she didn't say anything out of the ordinary. They all just left it at that. And the fact that Sunghoon suddenly thought Sunoo was the most beautiful person he'd ever laid eyes on in the middle of the day, with absolutely _nothing_ to prompt him to steer his thoughts that direction, he buried at the back of his mind too, hoping that it'd go away.

The memory stays. And his feelings stay, too.

And that day, when they were up in his room preparing for another anime trivia night, and he took out his prettily wrapped present for Sunoo as his heart skipped a beat, he tried his best to pretend it never happened too. When Sunoo turned around to ask him how it looked, it dawned on Sunghoon that he was already far gone, way in _too deep_ , for Sunoo when he decided that a necklace of the boy's constellation would make the perfect gift.

He didn't know a lot about stars, but right after they came back from stargazing, he'd gone on the internet for hours to dig up information about Sunoo's astrology sign and his, and their compatibility together. _As friends,_ of course. As it turned out, according to the all-knowing Internet, _not really._

Sunoo had his sun in Cancer. Sunghoon's a Sagittarius.

But he didn't think it was very accurate—his sun was right here. Curled up next to him, sleeping soundly, the pendant tight in his fist.

"Goodnight," he bid the boy quietly. And even though he didn't get a reply, he thought this was better, because at least they no longer had seven feet of distance between them.

**4 + 1 = 5**

Another year went by, and the top of Sunoo's head was now at his chin level.

Their height gaps were closing along with the distance between them, and while Sunghoon was sad that this meant that Sunoo was growing up, he was consoled by the fact that they were making eye contact a lot easier lately.

The fifth time he gave Sunoo a ride on his back—not that Sunghoon was counting—it was nothing special. No, the circumstances were... normal. What Sunghoon experienced internally when Sunoo wrapped his arms around his neck and his breathy laugh brushed past the shell of his ear, was not. His heart was no longer a metronome keeping his beats in place, steady and dependable and constant. After all those years of figure skating, he'd been taught to channel all his focus into keeping his heartbeats and breathing pace regular, in tandem with each other and never falling out of tempo of their waltz. But whenever Sunoo laughed, there was something to it that made Sunghoon slip and fall and stutter and doubt all the things he was told not to doubt.

For the first time in years, someone had found a way to throw him off course, and the consequences weren't as disastrous as he was convinced they'd be.

Because Sunoo's laugh didn't accelerate his undoing—it was really quite the opposite.

There was just a... healing quality about him that reminded Sunghoon of his better self. At that point, it was clear to him that this was no longer an infantile crush or an awkward stage where they didn't know what to feel about each other. This was _more_ than a crush. This was _more than..._

This was just _more._

It was fitting that he didn't have a word in his vocabulary to describe the way Sunoo made him feel. Because there wasn't really a word he could use to pinpoint Sunoo's beauty either. He was always just more than everything around him, just like how he'd step into a room and immediately the lighting wouldn't be what was brightening up the space. Sunoo was windows flung wide open in the height of spring, he was the mug of hot chocolate that warmed the hands you wrapped around it, the Sun that broke through the clouds on a rainy day. He was Sunghoon's comfort personified, and it terrified him how he never noticed.

Sunoo gave up on trying to make it into the basketball team—halfway through, he realized that it was the cheer team he really had an interest in. He didn't want to try out initially, fearing that he'd get teased and bullied for being the only boy at the tryouts, but Sunghoon and all his friends banded together to reassure him that they'd be there to rally support for him. Needless to say, Sunoo got in rather easily and cheer practices have been taking up all his free time, leaving none for Sunghoon.

But at least he was happy.

See, the fifth piggyback ride happened on the day Sunoo nailed his debut performance on the team and their school had just claimed a clean victory against their rivals. Blue and white face paint was smeared across Sunghoon's right cheek to mimic how the cheerleaders did their make up, and Sunoo had bounded over as soon as he spotted them.

There was a strange, indescribable pride that blossomed in his heart when it was his arms that Sunoo ran into first, and he couldn't help the smirk that made its way onto his lips. Somehow, among all the congratulations and photo-sessions, Sunoo had ended up on his back again while they posed for yet another picture for Jake.

"Woah, Sunoo-ah, your smile's so pretty today!" Jake had complimented, shouting over the general hubbub in the gymnasium, and Sunghoon could _hear_ Sunoo's smile when he muttered a shy " _thanks"._

Sunoo liked getting compliments on his smile. He'd always reiterated that he thought his smile was his best feature. If you ask Sunghoon?

He'll say that there are so many to choose from, he doesn't know what to think.

He was glad that Sunoo was on his back and not the other way round—he wouldn't have been able to stop his heart from pounding like it was trying to break through his ribcage to book it for Sunoo's palms.

"Sunghoon-ah, you have to smile too!" Jay called, waving like a maniac, his arm swung around Jake's shoulders as they both directed the mini shoot.

When Sunoo drove his fingers into the older boy's cheeks playfully to pull his lips into a smile, he didn't resist it.

**5 + 1 = love**

And that's how everything led to the way things are, right now.

In Sunghoon's eyes, it's all fine. _Good._ Good enough, anyway. Sunoo's hands sometimes find their way into his and they lie on the floor like that for a few hours... Their shoulders touch and bump together because they're sitting more closely than they have to. And on and off, they'd sit facing each other doing nothing, saying nothing, and Sunghoon would indulge in a sudden urge to rub his thumb over the necklace he gave Sunoo, and the boy would just let him, no questions asked.

They didn't have to make this weird. They _don't._

He doesn't want to ruin what they have, but at the same time, there's always a voice at the back of his head nagging at him. Why settle for _good enough_ , when he could chase for perfection?

"Good evening, neighbor."

That's his cue. Sunghoon rises from his spot at his desk where he was bent over his homework for a little over an hour and literally runs to the window for his daily midnight rendezvous. Sunoo's seventeen, he's eighteen, and it's been twelve years since they've met. And there isn't a _single_ occasion, or a turning point, in any of those twelve years that he can home in on and call the moment he started thinking of Sunoo as someone who's more than just a friend. It just feels like he fell, and just kept falling.

He mirrors Sunoo's pose—cheek in his hand, elbow on the frame. "Good evening, neighbor."

"What are you up to, hyung?"

"Nothing," he exhales, trying to calm the pounding of his heart. "You?"

"I was thinking of going on a walk," Sunoo slowly starts to say. "You wanna come with—"

"Yeah, sure," he swallows.

"Okay." Even if the lights are off in Sunoo's room, Sunghoon can make out the small smile the boy puts on when he doesn't know what else to say. He wants to trace it.

"Okay," he echoes.

They both meet in the backyard in under five minutes and burst out laughing upon seeing each other. The night was brimming with anticipation and Sunghoon buzzed all over with it as well. He preferred nights to days. Everyone could enjoy the company of the Sun in the mornings, but at night, he's the only one who can hold the Sun's hand in his and feel the warmth of his laugh. At night, for a few hours, the Sun is exclusively his. "Do you want a ride there?" he asks the boy, already getting into position before he can hear Sunoo's _yes._ It's already natural for them, but tonight, something's different. It's more mellow, and Sunoo's got his cheek pressed into Sunghoon's shoulder. The tips of his hair are tickling Sunghoon's earlobe and if Sunoo gets any closer, the older boy is certain that he'd feel the light brush of Sunoo's lips against his neck.

His body is completely lax with relief and he feels like if they walk for long enough, Sunoo might just fall asleep on his back.

Sunghoon's own hands, on their own accord, climb up his chest to rub some heat into Sunoo's icier ones. Even if his heart is off-beat, they fall into step as easily as breathing is.

The lamps lining the road shine an orange glow that diffuses into the air softly. As they walk down the familiar path, it feels like they're slipping into silken clothes.

What used to be the playground still stands empty, but they heard last week that someone's purchased the plot of land, and construction work is expected to commence soon. He doesn't know what makes this their safe place, but they'd carved a home out of it anyway. They've been coming here more often than before, silently spending their time under the stars, sometimes holding hands, sometimes not. 

He doesn't know how it's going to go tonight, but he hopes he'll be going to sleep without regrets.

There's a bench, but they sit on the ground. What with all the moss taking over the grey seat, it's probably cleaner to opt for the grass-covered soil anyway. Sunghoon lowers the boy to the ground and Sunoo wastes no time in getting into a position he's most comfortable with. A few feet in front of them is the swing yet they used to play on despite being warned not to. Its weathered wood bears swirls like seawater churning, bringing him a sense of tranquility like he's actually standing by the beach. There's a tug on the sleeve of his sweater and he sits down right away.

"Did you," Sunoo attempted to say, but pauses first to wet his lips, " _do_ you know? That there people out there who've proposed theories that more universes than one exist. All at the same time."

"Do you believe that?" he asks, then levels his gaze with Sunoo's. The boy's fiddling with his necklace, a habit he'd picked up on whenever he's feeling particularly anxious and jittery.

"I don't know, it's weird, isn't it? To think that there could be another me, another you, in another universe. There's even a chance we might not know each other."

Sunghoon toes at a small rock by his feet. "I can't imagine what that'd be like..."

"Yeah? Me neither," the younger boy agrees. There's more to what he wants to say, Sunghoon's sure, but he keeps his mouth sewn shut after that.

They've crossed many lines already, but they've done it so quietly, breezing past all the stop signs that it's left them both confused where they stand. What they can do, and what they aren't supposed to. Sunghoon wants to cup his hands on Sunoo's cheeks and thumb the skin beneath his eyes. There's an overwhelming urge building in him that's compelling him to press a soft kiss to Sunoo's mole. Above everything else, all Sunghoon _really_ wants to do is tell Sunoo how he feels. That when he's in the presence of Sunoo, he's reduced to nothing but a puddle of affection with only one look, one blinding smile that holds all the butterflies in the world. Butterflies he feels in his stomach, right this second. If he dares open his mouth, maybe one of the critters would crawl out and spook the hell out of them—it definitely sounds like the kind of fairytale miracle that tails Sunoo everywhere.

It's Sunoo who asks.

"Sunghoon hyung... Will you hold my hand?"

Their fingers intertwine like roses climbing around each other; their exhales so perfectly timed it almost seems rehearsed.

"There was a lot that I wanted to say tonight," Sunghoon finally admits, all in one breath.

"And then?"

"Looking at you, it's—it's not easy. It makes me feel like I'm going to be driven off-script."

"Then go off the script. Before I say what _I_ want to say and steal all the words from you."

They share a breathy laugh and Sunghoon leans in, eyes boring deep into Sunoo's. They're so gorgeous, _so_ captivating. They catch the light of the moon so effortlessly like they've already belonged in them from the very start. The same shaft of moonlight that filters through the foliage overhead traces a brush-like stroke along every curve, sharp or gentle, on Sunoo's face. The bridge of his sloping nose, his high cheekbones, and his cupid's bow... _This_ is what he wants to tell Sunoo, but he can't put it into words.

Staring isn't what Sunghoon does. No, his blinks come slowly like he's trying to capture and record every moment for as long as his eyes allow, and his lips tilt upwards with the intention of smiling, but it isn't quite there either.

He truly can't put into words how Sunoo hits his heart and scores a home run, how he's brought a new tempo into his life, this one fast and exciting, or how he's so eternally grateful that Sunoo has chosen to stay in his life for the past twelve years.

But he can try.

"Sunoo-ah, I really, _really_ like you."

They don't do his feelings any justice, but every sentence in the thousand-word essay he wrote last summer has vanished without a trace when he's face-to-face with who he's yearned for for so long, unknowingly so. He wishes he could tell Sunoo that, too.

The younger boy doesn't say anything, but Sunghoon knows he understands when Sunoo _finally_ closes the last seven millimeters between them to slot their lips together without another word. He smiles into the kiss, and gently holds Sunoo's chin with his index finger and the pad of his thumb. In that kiss was the magic of time—twelve years condensed into a single moment to make up for all the times they could've loved like this, but chose not to.

Kissing is the work of poets, Sunghoon decides. When they break apart for air, Sunghoon plants another peck at the corner of Sunoo's mouth, then leans forward till his forehead is pressed into Sunoo's temple and his hands are threading to the boy's soft locks to smooth out every small knot. His heart is swelling up with so many emotions he can barely speak, but these next few words? He has to get out somehow...

"It doesn't matter if it's true," he sputters, so drunken on the taste of Sunoo's lips that he's starting to feel all dazed.

Sunoo chuckles, but when his hands come to rest on Sunghoon's shoulders, they aren't to push him away, but to pull him closer. So they could get more entangled into the web of affection they've woven for twelve years. Separately at first, but are joined together now. "What are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter how many universes there are out there. I like this one," he says, enunciating every word carefully so that neither of them will miss _anything._ "In this one, _you like me back."_

In this one, the Sun is his.

In this one, they're finally, really together.

It's been twelve years, but Sunghoon's certain that this is merely the first day of the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the end!!! the first enha fic i completed! this is absolutely a milestone. um idk what to say ;;; i didn't think it'd actually finished a draft from august oml i hope u enjoyed this, eventho it's not very well-written. >:} congratulations for ROTY enha!! 
> 
> as always, thank you sm for making it this far, ily for reading this, and i appreciate every kudos and comments i get! please comment something so we can interact uwu!
> 
> my twt is @ricecookerym <3 see u guys in the future updates of my chaptered sunsun fics!


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